For those of you who know me or have even seen me walking down the empty isles at your local grocery store will know one thing I’m a Chicago Cub fan. Or well, at least I sometimes wear a Cubs hat. With this comes choices we must make as a fan of one team versus another there is certain rivals that come with it, other teams in which we must hate of course. As a Cubs fan these teams include and are not limited to Chicago White Sox, St. Louis Cardinals and well as a Cubs fan that is pretty much every other Major League Baseball team and for that nearly every other sports team in the world. Heck, let’s just go as far as saying I really dislike Bobby Blaze too! Yes, Bobby Blaze the WCW Jobber that once got destroyed by Steroid Scotty Steiner.
Now with my growing hatred to everything walking, talking and well anything that’s growing, like plants, I hate them the most. Well, I have come to a epic realization that maybe I shouldn’t hate. Maybe it’s the hate filled lifestyle I live could be changed by well, something that I hate. Yes, it’s a terrible math problem. Sorry Matt, I’m going to steal one of your story ideas or is it a gimmick to make my story perfect.
But then again that’s pushing the wrong idea. Because we’re all about anti-hate these days, so pushing a math problem about hate plus hate equaling not hate is such a bad idea. I mean come on, seriously, who thinks two wrongs is a good thing? Well, that’s a whole different subject any ways. Mainly because this whole purpose of this Hachism is well, because of one man and well, that man is Ken Harrelson, you may know him as Hawk or as Chicago White Sox’s Television Announcer. You may also know him as the most homer announcer ever! If he was a wrestling announcer he would have probably worked for the nWo and would have said how Sting was a terrible wrestler and that Vincent was the greatest mat wrestler ever!
The Hawk who has served as the White Sox announcer since 1990 is the biggest homer a.k.a. home-town enthusiast ever even more so than well, I can’t even think of someone. With this comes some mememorible sayings he uses from “He Gone” when an opponent from the other team strikes out or to “You can put it on the board! Yes! Yes!” when the White Sox score runs. He was once awarded as the worst announcer in sports by GQ, yet I think he is one of the greatest. Not because of his play-by-play style but because of his ‘Hawkism’s” the phrases and other little things he does during the game. It’s for this reason I believe it would be ideal for him to retire, quit or even be fired from his job.
Yes, I want him to lose his job. It’s all part of my hate filled lifestyle it’s terrible I know, but it would be for the best. Because I would hire him in a instant. Yes, he may take a huge pay cut, but I’m not overly worried about that. I just want him to be overly excited about the things I do. I think it would greatly change my hate filled lifestyle into like maybe a little less hate filled lifestyle at least. It could make the people around me be very excited for when I come around. Plus it would be very interesting to see how he would react to me changing lanes on the highway. I mean there is a bunch of every day things that would be intensified with the likes of Hawk Harrelson and well, I think, scratch that I must have him narrate my life. It’s beyond a need like I need to breathe, because I can go without breathing, but I desperately need the Hawk!
Let’s take a look at the every day things that Hawk Harrelson would make better…
After brushing the teeth and all the plaque being taken out, Hawk would scream “He Gone!”
When you get stopped at a red light, Hawk would scream “Dagummet”
Finding extra french fries at the bottom of your McDoanld’s bag, Hawk would scream “Mercy!”
Finding money on the ground, Hawk would scream “You can put it on the board! Yes! Yes!”
Drinking beer, Hawk would scream “Don’t Stop Now Boys”